Day 5- "What Haunts You"

He knows, and he's the only one who needs to, and as long as he's compassionate when I get spooked we will be ok.

"Discretion"- Day 17

I despise that I despise business trips; the lack of sleep on my part before and during doesn't help. All I can do is wake and

hope and move through the days until they are over, hoping discretion isn't needed. I keep thinking the trips will get easier despite the past, but it isn't. Very afraid I am out of sight, out of mind. People have no idea, and he has no idea how hard or some of the associations in my head that I can't shake, pretty haunting. 

Day 5- "Heart Comes Loose"

Cyclical- Day 3

Relationships. They can go through their good times, their bad times, their really good times, their really bad times. Then there are those times that for whatever reason you fall more in love with each other, and it is obvious. No explanation one can think of, one probably feeds off of the other, and maybe there is an explanation but one is too closed off to verbally express why, he (we will call it "he" haha) shows it in every way he can. You are left hoping it is sincere, hoping it isn't a cover or redemption for  a wrong you don't know about, hoping it will be a cycle that will forever be a part of growing old together, where you accept each others' aging, physical, mental and emotional changes, and challenges from children to work to life. I don't know why he is there right now, but I know what I hope.

Day 24- "Iridescent"

It is a word I would use to describe us both, which can be a great thing but is also a very scary thing. I hate the scary side of it...would trade for solid in a heartbeat.  Time will tell which it is, and it won't take too long.

Day 19- "Bright"

I hope I am bright enough at this point in my life...

Day 16- "Fortitude"

He will go about the night and morning and have no idea what I am thinking, and that I am wondering what he is thinking when he is there, does he have any clue what is possibly in my head because of him. A long time ago to one person is like yesterday to others at times... Yeah, appropriate word of the day in this prompt...

for·ti·tude

ˈfôrtəˌto͞od/

noun

1. courage in pain or adversity.

   "she endured her illness with great fortitude"

   synonyms:

   courage, bravery, endurance, resilience, mettle, moral fiber, strength of mind, strength of character, strong-mindedness, backbone, spirit, grit,true grit, doughtiness, steadfastness

"Unveil"- Day 4

Underneath what everyone sees lies a
Never ending mind full of thoughts, dreams, failures, successes, regrets.
Very private, sometimes unsure, sometimes afraid of what
Everyone would think if they knew your truths.
In my lifetime there will be many more to come, I can only hope to
Live and love wholly regardless of what I unveil to those around me.

                    xoxoxoxoxox peace, love, happiness to all xoxoxoxoxox

"Dare to Hope"- Day 13

Embarking on an overnight tomorrow that I will just say has been less than easy for me to try...sometimes things happen beyond our control and the memories/associations with certain places become overwhelming, they turn into dark places you never want to see in any way.  I'm finally ready for this one, and I hope he is too, and that the only memories left the next day will be of he and I and the fun we had...sometimes I feel I love him too much. I am not sure who needs to be stronger to go here, but I hope it is him, & that he is ready not because of compartmentalization or mind erasing or pretending mentally certain times didn't exist, but because he loves me and wants to go forward anywhere and everywhere in life, without looking back, and with just me.  I think he is.  

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Day 14 - Month 2- "Heart/Head"

He without a doubt has control of both, whether I like it or not.  It scares me, and he knows it.  Some days my head is my own worst enemy, some days it is my heart...most days they work together to give love.  It would be so much better if others were always open to receiving that love, both in their heart and head; no matter how much we talk or don't talk, there is no way to ever truly understand the experiences that have shaped one's heart and mind before you got there.  I can only hope we want the same things, and that as we grow older I will feel more certain.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery