Day 2-"Flicker"

Every week I get something like this from my college girl, giving me a flicker of belief that she still needs mom; it also makes me realize things I didn't think I needed to teach her but obviously did.

"Taking Care"- Day 18

The stress of sending a child to college might kill me. I still see little evidence of her taking care of things without reminders, and I am afraid she won't prioritize on her own, realize the amount of effort that will have to go into studying- no blaming the bad teacher or bad test- but accepting it and figuring out if the teacher is bad then how will she learn the material, and if this is the type of test then how am I going to pass it. Love her so much and at this point I feel like she thinks I am the enemy. I think she wants to be gone so bad that she is going to go and I am not going to hear from her much and it literally breaks my heart. I've promised myself I will not bother her, which I pretty much do just by existing at this point (though she isn't bothered when I am spending hundreds on her dorm stuff). Knowing you won't be missed is just a sad feeling and something you have to accept, and that you have become pretty much an inconvenience, and a place to sleep and eat when convenient, even worse. Knowing no matter how you try to meet her where she is it doesn't last, when you have high expectations she thinks you are difficult, when you try to teach what responsibility is as an adult she is furious to be called irresponsible and blames something else and says you don't understand, gets angry and shuts down from you...responsibility at 18 and about to be on your own is far different from at 14, 16, whatever. I miss when I was allowed to help take care of her and she didn't think it means I think she cannot do it. That isn't the case; but, I know her and know that some coaching goes a long way to help her, if she would stop and let me.I don't tell her what to do unless she has had the opportunity to do it and did not on her own. Love her too much sometimes...

"Kitchen Floor"- Day 15

Well let's see...mine was installed by me, and in parts you can tell; I have intent to fix some things/retouch some things, but something always leads me astray. Currently it is the names for the walls of my daughter and her friends for their dorms. I have projects going on for two of her best friends and their roommates, and her and her roommate. Of course that leads to them being on the table, on the floor, brushes at the sink...hopefully will finish them by Saturday and have it cleaned up...but have a list of "what next" already! Have promised myself nothing else "fun" until I finish the underside of the deck and the front rails (not my fault it keeps raining in the afternoons though!). Photos of projects to come when all are finished...

"Feather Your Nest"~Day 29, and "Disrobed"~ Day 30

When I think of the term "feather your nest" I think of lining it to make it softer, more homey, safer.  It is the kind of home I hope I built for our children, and that I aim to help my daughter build in her new home in just over two months.  She is dealing with so much right now that to me it is all that much more important, worth the time, money and effort and I do think it plays a role in success, as we all spend a lot of time in a particular place we call home.  Of course home will also always be wherever I am, whenever she wants.

Disrobed...it is over and done with, UHS Class of 2014 (or 2K14 as I have also seen it) has graduated...tassels turned and robes hung to be now just a memory (or a Halloween costume)~ love them and wish them all of the best!

"Mitten Strings"- Day 27 (a day early, making up for a day late earlier this week and a busy day tomorrow!)

Wow, this is sort of where I am with life...where I have to let my baby go but she is still so attached, she wants to be out there alone but just as much I think she wants to know she is still attached.  She picked her college this week, and it was a surprise, but a pleasant one to say the least.  She will have her own place, but won't be very far from home...and I will never let her get lost...

                                        
   my side of the mitten (my baby) (I'm getting better now that --->)       her side of the mitten

Two For Tuesday- Day 17

Day 17..."Once Upon a Time"...

Day 18..."I have a dream..."

Over 1500 miles, 3 overnights, over 26 hours in the car, and I feel like she is no closer to a decision on a college, she has a pros and cons list going and is opening her mind to options I wasn't sure she would, I am hoping after this week's visit to the last on the list will get her to start narrowing it down...problem is it will take time for her to go back and learn even more about each one, to really think about those classes, etc...stay tuned!

Month 2, Day 1...First Things First...

First things first...

My firstborn, who I at times (like all mothers) feel was born last week, is in the narrowing down process for colleges...and this pretty much consumes me- between financial aid applications and scholarship applications and getting taxes completed to qualify for this and that and visiting schools (logged 900 miles these past two days)...my first things first priority is helping her through the process, knowing when to guide, when to let her decide, or when to just tell her...learning to and accepting I have to let go a whole lot, and to not lose focus on the rest our family and our life at home.  

Green Light- Day 23

We got our final green light for college last night! She has been admitted into all 5 schools & has it down to probably 3...now to figure out a logical visitation plan & make some choices!