Day 11- "Ritual"

This girls comes home from college in two weeks and all she wants is to spend time with her mom, brother, and me and the my two kids. Family to her...at a time when she wanted her freedom so badly, her only request for when she came home was to spend this time together. We are ready! So grateful that our children recognize the rituals to to them embody home, no matter where, when or what. 

Day 10- "I Spy"

3 generations of strong women who don't get to spend enough time together...I see my mother's traditions, attitudes and expectations very alive in myself as a mother, and coming out in my daughter as she turns into an adult, and couldn't be happier. So blessed.

"Life Is..."- Day 14

Absolutely perfect when the kids are here and football is on. I feel so very lucky.

Doesn't hurt when the Redskins are going to win!

"Lush"- Day 2

My parents have created what can only be called a lush family oasis. There is nothing they like more than when we can all gather. As a mom I understand it more now, because it is so hard for "us 8" to find common time. It is in no way an "I don't love you" on the part of me when I don't come or on my own children when they don't. Life doesn't afford us as many opportunities as it should. Needing the weekend to rest vs. play just doesn't seem right. It is things like this that have me rethinking what I do every day. The mental exhaustion. The lack of flexibility. The feeling I'm trapped for 8  more years because of pensions etc. That reason alone is why I don't want my own daughter to become a public school teacher. Summers off? Not so much, hard to afford that. Even if I could, what about the mid-year long weekend off when the rest of the world isn't traveling, or a week when airfare is better? Nope, not without a guilt trip & "payback." Some day I hope to retire & have time to create my own lush oasis for my family, & I hope they don't over plan their lives & work in a trapped job where they can't visit more often. Mine are 30 mins away & I struggle because the kids are all busy & usually on the weekends I'm exhausted. It is getting to be time to make some definite changes before I miss it all.

Day 30- "Steam Rising"

Love a man who isn't afraid of grilling in the rain...the steam rising from the grill up to my bedroom window, luring me down for burgers!

"Remember"- Day 29

Since I'm late with the last few days, the first week of school is a killer & to top of it I'm sick sick & sick, I'm going out of order to round out the month. My aunt posted this on her own birthday this week. It really struck me that most of my generation won't know this feeling, because if divorce or marrying later. I'm terrified of losing "him" to soon since I was 41 before I found him. I have so much admiration for couples who endured & stayed together by choice, not because of the kids or not believing in divorce. To this aunt...you are always someone I admire- classy, smart & hospitable beyond words & I'm so sorry for what this year brought to you xo.

"Encounter"- Day 27

Who would have believed that a chance encounter in grade school would have led to the eventual births of ten more people? Childhood friends (hard not to be when you have a class of maybe 30 the whole way through school), eventual "sweethearts" and now husband and wife of more than 51 years and 3 children and 7 grandchildren. Add in 4 step-grandchildren, which they have embraced in a way I never would have expected anyone to, part of our family because of my own encounter. Makes you wonder what exactly it is that makes these encounters different from others, and how you "just know"?

"Simplicity"- Day 6

Time with the family...it gets harder to get the older kids together, so scheduling some special nights is in order! It seems so simple to make time, but theory is not reality. xo

Day 2- Confer

Time to confer with the girls to see what color coordinated photos they want to take with the family so that the boys can actively pack nothing to match, or, their best t-shirts and basketball shorts, that is the best they are going to get from them.  Good thing is that the girls don't mind anymore, the boys are who they are! And, convert it to black and white and you can hardly tell!

Day 12- "Tight Knit"

“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

I don't know who this person is but I saw this and couldn't say it better.  To see our party come together with my family from here and NC, her father's family from here, her stepmother's family from Baltimore, and "his" parents from PA, including step siblings, step aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents/ and a great grandparent...it was incredible to see the support these kids have.  We are blessed their step families welcomed them like they were their own, and I am fortunate my parents have done the same for my step children.  We are so far from broken...

"Soul Full" ~ Day 8

Hope to add pictures later, but without a doubt a day my soul is full...her graduation/18th birthday party.  I have never had to prepare for so many people and I hope I have enough and did it right.  Doing it at a venue other than home when you are doing it yourself is a bit stressful to say the least.  The great part is family is her from North Carolina, and she has family from both sides and both step parents, which is a first and it is nice to see that after all of the turmoil of ten years ago she is where she is and surrounded by these people.  Most of her friends will be there, and while one special one cannot be I am hopeful she will not have time to think about it.  I love my girl like crazy and want it to be perfect for her.  I am also glad my son is simpler and I might be able to get away with a come, have some cookies and a drink, then leave kind of graduation party.  My car looks like it is puking party right now!  I am grateful for the help I will have to set up...I don't know why I fret as I do given I have made a to scale map of the entire venue with set up labeled, diagrams for the food, etc. etc. etc...it is going to be a long but beautiful day (thank goodness it isn't raining since it is in a park!)!

"Feather Your Nest"~Day 29, and "Disrobed"~ Day 30

When I think of the term "feather your nest" I think of lining it to make it softer, more homey, safer.  It is the kind of home I hope I built for our children, and that I aim to help my daughter build in her new home in just over two months.  She is dealing with so much right now that to me it is all that much more important, worth the time, money and effort and I do think it plays a role in success, as we all spend a lot of time in a particular place we call home.  Of course home will also always be wherever I am, whenever she wants.

Disrobed...it is over and done with, UHS Class of 2014 (or 2K14 as I have also seen it) has graduated...tassels turned and robes hung to be now just a memory (or a Halloween costume)~ love them and wish them all of the best!

"Full of Blessings"- Day 28

Even though it was pretty much a sucky week for many reasons, starting with jaundice that sent his son to the hospital two nights, ending with doing my best to reign in 18 and losing control in the midst of a breakup along with fixing some damage, I really am blessed.  He was gone much of the week, between the hospital and a soccer tournament about 5 hours away, but came home yesterday afternoon.  They say it is good for couples to have time to miss each other, and this time maybe it was true.  I was able to really focus where I needed to and so was he, & I know he was happy to see me (dinner cooking didn't hurt lol).  I spent most of my birthday alone, but I am blessed my daughter is still here, as are all of our children. When we had to talk about tough stuff she talked- no yelling, no crying, just talked. We have one child literally fighting for his life but he is getting the best care possible (I know I can't begin to fathom the fear his father feels every single day).  As much as I don't want to work lately because I have so much to do around the house and for graduation and beach week prep, I am blessed to have a job that I do like most days, a car to get there, and an incredible son to drop off at school on the way.  It has definitely been a challenging week where I have had to remind myself of these things.  Sometimes I want them all to just be grown up and gone, other days I just want them all here in the safety and comfort of our home (that is where I am at right now) and I can't have it, so I do the best I can...I think I just feel like I am living a real life whack-a-mole right now!

"Ripples" - day 19

Are our children the ripple effect of many years of love and procreation, a cycle that seemingly never ends?  Yet eventually in all lineages will it?  I already see it happening in some of my extended family, but luckily enough of us go on.  I hope she continues the cycle and the traditions; that is something I love about her is that traditions do matter to her, and I hope the ripple effect keeps going...

"Traditions are the guideposts driven deep in our subconscious minds. The most powerful ones are those we can't even describe, aren't even aware of."

Ellen Goodman

Two-fer...Day 19- "A Sunny Spot" and Day 20- Rise

Missed yesterday with good reason, spent the entire day with family preparing for and celebrating my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary, NC style.  Was technology free most of the day...yet so glad that because of technology- basically Facebook- I "see" this family all of the time, it definitely keeps us closer and more connected.

My sunny spot was getting to spend so much time with my family, I wish we all lived closer, even the family here.  Real life and kids at different ages and stages make it hard to spend enough time together.  It rained much of the party, which really put a damper on some of the outdoor fun like picnic tables, white twinkly lights, and bales of  hay around the fire pit.  My dad worked so hard to prepare...but I think a good time was still had by all even if it meant jackets and most of the party indoors.  My dad inherited his grandmother's house and has spent a lot of time the past couple of years fixing it, updating it, making it a place for he and my mom to stay when they go down there.  They are able to go more often now, as their stream of grandchildren for daycare has slowed down.  We thought a country house party was the perfect way to celebrate, as that is where it started for them and most of the guests, out in the country outside of Grantham, N.C.  My kids got to meet my mom's best friend from high school, which was a treat.

As for "rise..."- ever spend a Sunday on I-95 N?  In particular on a holiday that is the last day of spring break for pretty much all northerners thanks to our snowy winter?  I have had the pleasure...so, we got the kids up and were on the road at 6:45, so grateful they pulled it together (I mean, all they had to do was wake, brush teeth, eat a bit and get into the car, ideally without talking much since it was so early).  We made it home in record time- 4.5 hours (we thought the 5 down was good, but home bound was one gas/bathroom stop, and no stops for the boys' car).  So happy to spend the afternoon at home doing nothing.  Would love to get a pedicure if they are open but there is no way I am putting in the effort to drive two minutes, not leaving this couch except to eat and go to bed!  Dinner is one I can hardly take credit for, but I will...leftovers of this recipe (below)- you would be surprised how well it freezes, and tastes with chips!  Comfort food!  Hint- you may need to add a little chicken broth if it is too thick after defrosting; I think mine was thick because I froze it with rice in the same bag, so freezing it alone is probably recommended.  However, we had "Scoops" chips so the thickness worked well for us.

Easiest Mexican-ish Chicken Ever

"Get Your Hands Dirty"~ Day 22 of Month 3

Go through Grantham to
Roads that travel to seemingly nowhere
And you landed at her house on a cross street
Not always our first choice of fun but in the summer she had us in the garden
Digging in the dirt for potatoes or
Making sure we picked all of the peas
Awesome memories of an awesome grandmother

XO

Day 26- "Sweet Light"

Unedited- behind "his" parents' house on Christmas night, the sky really was these colors.  Phenomenal moment in time.

Day 21- "Balm for the Soul"

When I think of balm I think soothing and comforting, and soul is deep within...I often tell "him" he is my serenity.  Except when he is acting in a way that made my son tell me the song "True Love" reminds him of us because he spends half his life irked at someone or something.  I don't get it but I also don't tend to let it get to me.  So, in no particular order...the things that just make my soul feel the best would be...

This not my favorite picture of myself but one where he is obviously cracking himself up...but he is my serenity.

So is the very little bit of time I get with cousins and NC family, there is nothing like it!

& our Maryland kids...nieces and nephews included!  

There. just. never. is. enough. time.

But they are all balm for my soul when I do get to.  So maybe the true balm for my soul is my family.  If only I could fit them all into one of those little egg shaped lip balms and bring them out when I have time...

There are a few girls in my life who do the same thing, even though I don't see them enough...hmmm...now I feel like we are narrowing it down to anything that isn't work :)...I just know I am lucky!

Day 13- "Connection"

There is nothing like a good 'ol mid-Atlantic snowstorm to connect neighbors and family members...from helping to shovel each other out (even when you may speak but twice a year) to teaching your sons how to shovel (as well as shovel etiquette, if you live where it snows you know what I mean, like considering where you throw your snow, the rules on taking someone's shoveled out parking spot, helping elders/those that you know would have a harder time...).  The more fun are when we are connecting by time together inside, but again, there is a fine line between a little time to connect and bordering on going batshit crazy if they don't do something besides play video games!  The amazing part is how teens can do nothing for hours when they have something they need to do, but are bored when given the time of nothing to do.  Here is today's family connection, brought to you by the overnight/morning snowstorm that hit Maryland:

"Rooted"- Day 22

From "Africa hot" summer days to mid-winter mini-blizzards I am rooted here in Maryland.  I'm struggling more than I thought I would be with sending my firstborn off to college, I love just knowing she is home.  We are talking about "our" ten year plan and where we want to be, knowing that by then they will all be (at least just about) out of college...we are pretty sure it isn't here.  Thinking about how to get "there" is tough, an overwhelming amount of planning when planning for college too.  But, waiting til next year to plan won't be an easier, because we will be planning for college for another.   Then another, then another...and by then all of a sudden it is a four year plan.  I know kids love to have their childhood home to go back to with their own children- I have grown up with that.  He bought his childhood home and lived in it for a number of years.  My kids are my very soul.  Guilt.  Sister nearby, brother nearby, parents nearby...did I say guilt?  I just don't see myself here in ten years. Some days I find myself motivated to purge when I think about where I want to be and what I won't need there. My children will always have a home, because home is where we are together.  I can't plan around that, because what if they go away and decide not to settle back "home"?  I find  myself caught between wiggling my own roots loose as I ponder a significant career change and sending children away, thinking about where their roots will lie, and honestly...hoping maybe they want to come too, just within an hour or so?