Another less original thought...I thought of two things actually...one is that I will try to breathe this week knowing my daughter and her friends are alone in Ocean City for Senior Week...I just know how I was at that age and the kids live so much faster these days.  It will be mentally a long week for me, while I simultaneously prepare for the party for 100 or so people upon her safe return next weekend.

My other thought was the Faith Hill song, "Breathe."  Yesterday marked the 5 year anniversary of when "we" met.  We have had some rough times, earlier than a couple should have, and could have given up, but instead chose to work harder and focus on what mattered in our hearts.  He is worth the fight and I hope he sees me always as worth the effort.   There have been times of anxiety when I couldn't sleep, couldn't think, couldn't breathe, but I believe all of that is over now, as most of our time is spent laughing, loving and living.  Living is a challenge when he has a very sick child, but he gets up every day and does it, and I know it is hard for him- that never leaves his mind.  Sometimes I wonder if he has ever been a part of a friendship and commitment this strong, as every kind of love is different. I am more excited than ever now to wake up with him and come home with him- he is my heart, my peace, and my love.  With all of my heart I love him like this...

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

And I can feel you breathe, it's watching over me
And suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
And baby, all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch, slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way
That love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe, just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before and I know
And you know there's no need for words right now

As I can feel you breathe, it's watching over me
And suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby, all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch, slow and steady rush
And baby, isn't that the way
That love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe, just breathe

Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush
And baby, isn't that the way
That love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe, just breathe

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way

Songwriters
BENTLEY, STEPHANIE KAY / LAMAR, MARY HOLLADAY

Faith Hill "Breathe" video

"Feather Your Nest"~Day 29, and "Disrobed"~ Day 30

When I think of the term "feather your nest" I think of lining it to make it softer, more homey, safer.  It is the kind of home I hope I built for our children, and that I aim to help my daughter build in her new home in just over two months.  She is dealing with so much right now that to me it is all that much more important, worth the time, money and effort and I do think it plays a role in success, as we all spend a lot of time in a particular place we call home.  Of course home will also always be wherever I am, whenever she wants.

Disrobed...it is over and done with, UHS Class of 2014 (or 2K14 as I have also seen it) has graduated...tassels turned and robes hung to be now just a memory (or a Halloween costume)~ love them and wish them all of the best!

"Full of Blessings"- Day 28

Even though it was pretty much a sucky week for many reasons, starting with jaundice that sent his son to the hospital two nights, ending with doing my best to reign in 18 and losing control in the midst of a breakup along with fixing some damage, I really am blessed.  He was gone much of the week, between the hospital and a soccer tournament about 5 hours away, but came home yesterday afternoon.  They say it is good for couples to have time to miss each other, and this time maybe it was true.  I was able to really focus where I needed to and so was he, & I know he was happy to see me (dinner cooking didn't hurt lol).  I spent most of my birthday alone, but I am blessed my daughter is still here, as are all of our children. When we had to talk about tough stuff she talked- no yelling, no crying, just talked. We have one child literally fighting for his life but he is getting the best care possible (I know I can't begin to fathom the fear his father feels every single day).  As much as I don't want to work lately because I have so much to do around the house and for graduation and beach week prep, I am blessed to have a job that I do like most days, a car to get there, and an incredible son to drop off at school on the way.  It has definitely been a challenging week where I have had to remind myself of these things.  Sometimes I want them all to just be grown up and gone, other days I just want them all here in the safety and comfort of our home (that is where I am at right now) and I can't have it, so I do the best I can...I think I just feel like I am living a real life whack-a-mole right now!

"Appetite"- Day 27

Well...I seem to have one most of the time.  When I don't, I just eat, and it works out, except I have gained back every pound I lost a year ago. It would be easier if there was no red wine in the world.  Anyway, my big craving and easy to make favorite discovery of last year (Pinterest of course) is the "Mexican" crock pot chicken...soooooooooooooooooo good with chips, and I agree it is great with rice; it even freezes well.  I too prefer it the second day, when it is less soupy, but I haven't had a big problem with this.  It is a great "Monday" dinner, since I usually work late and you really do throw it in the crock pot and go!

Favorite Easy "Mexican" Chicken Recipe

"Birdsong"- Day 26

Not at all original here, because I am not going out to find a bird to photograph and have no great tale of hearing birds...but as soon as I saw the prompt I thought of the song "Songbird," originally written and performed by Christine McVie in Fleetwood Mac, and beautifully covered by Eva Cassidy.

For you, there'll be no more crying.

For you, the sun will be shining.

And I feel that when I'm with you,

It's alright, I know it's right.

To you, I'll give the world.

To you, I'll never be cold.

'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,

It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score.

And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world.

But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score

And I love you, I love you, I love you

Like never before, like never before, like never before.

"Songbird"- Christine McVie                                      "Songbird" - Eva Cassidy

Day 25- "Petrichor"

With today's post I had never heard of the word, so I guess I increased my vocabulary (last week's word was "THOT" from 10 year olds)...all I can say with this one is I am so grateful for a sunny vs. rainy Memorial Day weekend so the kids can be outdoors with their friends and on the soccer field.  I am blessed to live in a neighborhood where most of the teens that roam around are good kids with good intentions.  They are lucky to have formed friendships they have had for years!  I love that petrichor too, but glad it wasn't this weekend.

Day 24- "Garden's Edge"

One of the most beautiful places in Key West that gets often overlooked for the bars...few places in the world where you can see history, palm trees & blue water like you can at Ft. Zachary State Park.

"Promises Promises"- day 23

"Solitude"- Day 22

'

It comes with age and reflection, and realizing the difference between loneliness, being alone, and true solitude; it becomes peace with yourself and your choice to just stop and turn the rest of the world off for a while...it will be there when you "come back."  Do it for you xo, it will be better for all around you.

"The Sound of Silence" Day 21

Would you want to know that it was going to be the last time your child would ever nap with you or you would be able to hold them close whenever you wanted when it happened, knowing you will never get it back the same way as when they were little?

As crazy as it was, would you give anything for an hour of that right now?

"Memory"- Day 20

So very proud of her for organizing Urbana's first "senior-senior" prom last month along with the fundraising recital for Alzheimer's.  The dance this group did told the story of a couple, where the man became the caretaker of the wife as she lost her memory to the disease.  Several couples danced different parts to represent the progression of the relationship and the disease.  Last night I saw it performed one last time at her final recital, and again it brought me to tears.  I sat next to my parents hoping they never go through this, as they have endured almost 51 years married and are going strong. I hope my mother's only tears were those last night as she watched and pondered, and that it is never her reality.

It makes me think about how we measure comprehension too, kind of random here, but if you gave her a multiple choice test about Alzheimer's she would struggle, but representing it through art based on research she flourished, and she won't forget it.  The irony isn't lost...and I hope we can all be this strong if that is the card we are dealt in life.

"Ripples" - day 19

Are our children the ripple effect of many years of love and procreation, a cycle that seemingly never ends?  Yet eventually in all lineages will it?  I already see it happening in some of my extended family, but luckily enough of us go on.  I hope she continues the cycle and the traditions; that is something I love about her is that traditions do matter to her, and I hope the ripple effect keeps going...

"Traditions are the guideposts driven deep in our subconscious minds. The most powerful ones are those we can't even describe, aren't even aware of."

Ellen Goodman

Reverence- Day 18

Things may not have worked out for me and him, but I do maintain a reverence for the fact they have another sibling whom they love very much, and who doesn't understand why they don't all always live together.  She is one of the blessings to come out of a sad situation.  My children have made me proud in that they respect traditions and make effort to spend time with different members of their immediate and extended families.

Thing

"Tendril"- Day 17

Daughter #1's prom last week...so in love with the dress, I want her to bring it to the beach for pictures this summer but bet she won't!  Would also be gorgeous at the winery for pictures!

There is a quote I have seen...something to the tune of "you didn't grown under my heart, you grew in it."  xo peace xo

"Roar" - Day 16, month 5

So, today is my first born's 18th birthday, what a range of emotions it brings!

This song by Katy Perry reminds me of her as she succeeds and does her thing, I am so proud of her and I know she has so much to give the world, and I have truly been one of the lucky moms with her!  It hasn't been easy to learn to step back, but I have so much faith in her and all she will do and be...I LOVE YOU JLC!

"I got the eye of the tiger, the fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar!"

Only fitting she will be a Towson Tiger in a few weeks!

"Longing"- day 15

Longing for  few nights away with him with few worries; I would say "no worries" but when one of  your children has cancer that is never the case.  Very ready to plan our usual summer vacation, but have to be flexible because we just don't know where things will be in two or three months...hopefully looking good and feeling strong!

Day 14- "Bright"

This is so something I would say, but I have gotten brighter in the relationship sense that I know you don't edit e-mails or cards from your significant others, even when they tell you they have dinner covered and there are meet balls in the crock pot; you just say thank you, and be grateful they are so busy with work they don't have time to worry about such things (and remember that you like meatballs so you really don't care how it is spelled as long as you get some)! xo

"Unstitch"- Day 13

You always have the option to mend, get rid of, repurpose when life becomes unstitched...

"Overheard"- day12

Children are listening...

Make sure they are hearing the person you wish them to be. xo

Day 11- "Mother(hood)"

A picture says one thousand words, so a few pictures should say a whole lot!

Day 10- "Sing it Out Loud"

This has to be one of the stupidest songs & movies ever...but couldn't change the station or stop singing along...& yes, I have the album...& no, I can't tell you what it's about...

XANADU

A place where nobody dared to go

The love that we came to know

They call it Xanadu

And now, open your eyes and see what we have made is real

We are in Xanadu

A million lights are dancing and you are, a shooting star

An everlasting world and you're here with me, eternally

Xanadu, Xanadu

(Now we are here) in Xanadu

Xanadu, Xanadu

(Now we are here) in Xanadu

Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu

The love that echoes of long ago

You needed the world to know

They are in Xanadu

The dream that came through a million years

That lived through all the tears

It came to Xanadu

A million light are dancing and you are, a shooting star

An everlasting world and you're here with me, eternally

Xanadu, Xanadu

(Now we are here) in Xanadu

Xanadu, Xanadu

(Now we are here) in Xanadu

Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu

Now that I'm here, now that you're near, in Xanadu

Day 9- "The Night Sky"

Got the blessing of talking with an old friend as the night sky was looming here & breaking in Tokyo...sometimes technology gives you just what you need!

                              

Day 8- "Weathered"

It's always amazing how many storms can be weathered & things can be rebuilt & gone without. Alas, sometimes weathered turns to eroded or corroded and a complete overhaul or rebuild is needed, this time with stronger walls, thicker insulation & far more weatherproofing, as only a fool would patch it & expect storms to survive- that's just begging for complete destruction. 

"When I hear..."~ Day 7

Stevie Nicks~Linda Ronstadt~James Taylor I go to my content place <3...they never get old.  Pandora and paperwork go well together in my world. & while not a huge Amy Winehouse fan, when I hear her version of "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" I would be speechless if I wasn't singing along...she captures the essence of the desperation and desire like no one else (will admit, I listen without watching her because it is her voice, not her style, that make it work).

Amy Winehouse- "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"

"Blossom" - Day 6

We do blossom...until a harsh wind or sudden storm comes upon us & pulls us apart & spins us out of control...& we drift & hope for a soft landing & peaceful end, broken into so many pieces we are unrecognizable.  Maybe we will reseed and keep evolving and recreating; maybe we will die, never to be found.  Maybe our foundation is so deeply rooted into the ground that no amount of wind, rain, or storms can uproot us, ever.  Usually you just don't know until it hits.

"Cinco de Mayo"~ AKA...

...happy 17th birthday to my step daughter, I am so lucky they found their way into my life!

Day 4, Month 5- "Pattern"

Some thoughts (none particularly anything more than random)...I'm hating the pattern of waking at 4:30 & need new sleep meds. This leads to a pattern of me on the couch when humans should be sleeping. It leads to another pattern of me thinking, "I wonder what yoga or Pilates we have on demand, maybe I'll do one..."- which of course takes me instead to the coffee pot & my book (another Adriana Trigiani, currently obsessed) under an old favorite comforter...while he sleeps & sleeps. Life could be worse...

One day I will get it all together, but that's definitely not going to be today!

"Hello/Goodbye"...Day 3

Clearly I am struggling with the whole graduation thing, it is so bittersweet.  Heard an old school song this week, "Graduation," by Vitamin C...this line struck me as how I need to see it (and on good days, I do :))- "I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye~Keep on thinking it's a time to fly..."~enjoy the video!

  (and I cannot figure out how to get this stupid background text highlighter unhighlighted when I accidentally land on it grrrrrr!)

                             "Graduation" by Vitamin C, circa 1999

Day 2- "Bread & Honey"

With my sustenance & my sweet (though he hides it well) love...

"May Day"~ Month 5 Day 1

OHHHHHH the countdown has begun here...13 days of school left for her.  15 days until she turns 18.  28 days until graduation...  

Day 30- "Flip Side"

I said trying 365- didn't say anything about consecutive days or on time :). Flip side...my cousin has been in Africa since October, volunteering. One great experience building a school, one not so great but she stuck it out. In between the two assignments she backpack travelled Africa- saw safari animals, Dave Matthews concert in South Africa & was also there when Nelson Mandela passed. If all stays on plan her flight took I off last night & she will hit the USA on the flip side today. <3 her & her bravery that borders on foolish!

 p.s.~she is home safely!!!!