8 o'clock...Day 31

I had the honor of just chilling at a random mall with my 17 year old; just arrived into a new town for a college visit, stopped to stretch and wander a bit while we decided what we wanted for dinner (and being a college town there was an enormous Forever 21 which is all it tends to take with her at times). Friday nights with her are few and far between, and I am just enjoying it while I have it...and looking forward to 8 o'clock in the morning when we will pack up and head out for lattes and to visit the school before heading back on our 7ish hour journey home.

Day 30- Longing...

...for the day it isn't the constant habitrail of life...wake up, kids up, dressed for work, coffee, lunches, warm up car, gather belongings, commute to work, work, come home, make dinner, tidy up, get ready for bed, return to entrance of habitrail and do it again...at the same time, love some of the security, just need a few new bends and toys in there :).  The habitrail of life is what got me a day behind here!

Habit...Day 29

habit

wake up and brush teeth

shower, make-up, dressed and down

coffee, catch up, go

Start Thinking About February...

Day 28- "Surface"...this would be me most of the time...

"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath." - Michael Caine

Currently Reading...on Day 27....

...my saved VRBO searches and airfares!  Got word today from the ALL specialist that we should go forth with our summer family vacation, no restrictions on flying!  That is a huge YAY for our family; as a blended family we have had our share of challenges, and one of the biggest was getting this particular child to be allowed to be integrated into our family, as his mother was against it and fought it regardless of legality.  "He" took the high road, which was so hard and so admirable, but it paid off; when his son turned 18 he started spending all sorts of time with us on his terms, including going on two vacations.  Then, we found out about the leukemia, which prevented his joining us last summer and limited where we went.  We weren't sure how it would work out for us this summer, and are so excited to start planning and so hopeful that his health will keep strong and this will be a great time as a family!

"C is for" - Day 26

C is for children and the many ways the change us, open our minds and open our hearts like we never imagined...

"Family Secret"- Day 25

We always you that you were adopted from the Daisy Hill Baby Farm in Florida.  Ok- truthfully- that might have been Snoopy who was adopted from the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm in Somewhere, USA. You actually arrived in a spaceship of sorts with some green little dude named Gazoo, but we didn't want to freak you out.  Love you and hope you have a great birthday today!

"Muse"- Day 24 (ok yes, I know that was yesterday, but this was in my head at least)

Muse(s)

They think I have it

They force me to keep learning

I love new teachers

Green Light- Day 23

We got our final green light for college last night! She has been admitted into all 5 schools & has it down to probably 3...now to figure out a logical visitation plan & make some choices!

"Rooted"- Day 22

From "Africa hot" summer days to mid-winter mini-blizzards I am rooted here in Maryland.  I'm struggling more than I thought I would be with sending my firstborn off to college, I love just knowing she is home.  We are talking about "our" ten year plan and where we want to be, knowing that by then they will all be (at least just about) out of college...we are pretty sure it isn't here.  Thinking about how to get "there" is tough, an overwhelming amount of planning when planning for college too.  But, waiting til next year to plan won't be an easier, because we will be planning for college for another.   Then another, then another...and by then all of a sudden it is a four year plan.  I know kids love to have their childhood home to go back to with their own children- I have grown up with that.  He bought his childhood home and lived in it for a number of years.  My kids are my very soul.  Guilt.  Sister nearby, brother nearby, parents nearby...did I say guilt?  I just don't see myself here in ten years. Some days I find myself motivated to purge when I think about where I want to be and what I won't need there. My children will always have a home, because home is where we are together.  I can't plan around that, because what if they go away and decide not to settle back "home"?  I find  myself caught between wiggling my own roots loose as I ponder a significant career change and sending children away, thinking about where their roots will lie, and honestly...hoping maybe they want to come too, just within an hour or so?

Day 21- "Reflections"

On this particular chemo day, when anyone would want to be cranky, he smiled, laughed & talked like nothing was going on. The perspective of what the girl next to him had been through was all it took. His humility & maturity are just incredible.

"Talisman"- Day 16

When my son was young, maybe 3 or 4, he gave me this gift; it was a rock- a heart shaped rock he had found, and he found the box, and he picked the gold shiny pretty box, even put a sticker on it.  I will never forget the look of pride on his face that day.  I will keep it forever.  Peace xo.

"Look Up"- Day 20

"Look Up"

This group probably has no idea how I look up to each of them and the challenges they have endured or overcome to land where they are today.  They are my incredible siblings and cousins.  Divorces, special needs children,  teenagers, medical and law schools and the subsequent loans, psychological issues, gay and lesbian acceptance, master's degrees, marriages, miscarriages, layoffs, furloughs, 15 children and four stepchildren, a life ending and changing car accident, the absence of one of us from a tragic death, successful businesses, political activists, caring for aging and ailing parents, waking up and going forward on days when you just don't think you can.  Never settling, always reflecting, always growing.  Looking up to our own parents for advice and models, realizing we need to be that for our own children.

I have to say that Facebook has been great if for no other reason than to see my "NC family," regardless of where they live now, every day.  It lessens the miles and grows the connections and has helped us to get to to know each other as adults.  I look up to each of them for the challenges they have faced, whether by choice or not, and the ways they have grown and endured.  It will be up to us to carry on Grandma's dream...I know we can do it! Peace and love xoxo.

Day 19- "Makes You Smile"

The pictures say it all about what makes me smile...the many times our kids have their priorities straight.  Leaving early the first day of school to make sure your little bro finds his classes on his first day of high school.  Stopping by a Light the Night Walk dressed for homecoming just to show support, when you could have been at dinner with your friends.  Taking the weekend to visit NC to check in with extended family, and relishing in that relationship and it's importance.  Giving up your Saturday night to spend time with grandparents, or being flexible with a concert so that your brother can go, cancer or not.  Spending the afternoon with your little sister and painting her nails, because he she idolizes you.  They really do put the family first most of the time, and when they don't we do understand - it is never for something frivolous.  That is what makes me smile :).

Day 18- Just Enough

...because sometimes my patience is tested and I have learned that at times I get paid to say "just enough," then smile and walk away...learning to filter and edit yourself~it is just part of life...

In Motion- Day 17

work

chaotic constant

thinking planning multi-tasking

children adults situations timing

laughing eating relaxed

humorous loving

home

"Strength & Weakness"- day 15

Him...

Familiar Phrases

Day 14, "familiar phrases..."~"The Redskins are ahead!  The Redskins are ahead again!  The Redskins are still ahead with only 2 minutes left!  The Redskins lost..."  We hear it week after week, season after season.  It can be tough to be a sports fan, especially when you are a loyal 15 year old.  What he doesn't know is that I cherish the Sundays of Red Zone and Redskins games too, as I sit with him (he doesn't even care if I am doing other things, just as long as I am there and interact with him too), watch with him, and hang on the edge of the seat with him (gotta admit, I love the last two minutes of a good game)...and enjoy having him want to do it with me for as long as he will.  As I have said before, meet the kids where they are and it will make your relationships with them stronger.

Revelations...Day 13

Test results are in

ALL revelation

Moved to Johns Hopkins

A year ago today this was our revelation after many ER visits, several doctors, and a long, long weekend of test after test after test.  The transition to JH was seamless and we will be forever grateful to the staff that worked with us at both St. Agnes and at JH, they literally are saving one of our children's life.  Don't ever be afraid to question doctors and ask for more answers, you are your child's advocate.  Peace xo.

"Something Blue"- Day 12

 

Keeping it simple...UHS colors...all of the schools in this district have been the best for my kids and I am so proud to see them get involved, cheer each other on, and feel part of the community.  This year the motto "One Team, One Urbana" was adopted, and the kids really try to live up to it.   

Day 11- "Life Is..."

...a day late and a dollar short?  Ok, this time I am just a day late, but I will be a dollar short soon because I am getting ready to pay for college- so busy with that financial stuff then chilling with "him" that I forgot to update here.  Ok...so life is...

meant to be slowed down and enjoyed.  There will never be enough hours in the day.  There will never be enough time with those you love.  There will rarely be things that can't wait until tomorrow.    I am going back to a book I read a while ago...it really is so true!  Sometimes I forget, and it is something I am trying to be more true to; I do well with the fourth one; the third one I try hard to do, especially at home, but I am not sure they see it, but that is ok- I have confidence the kids will look back and think that is just what you are supposed to do as a parent because it is what they saw.  I've gotten better with number one- hard at work because I am a 1:50ish ratio, and everyone's needs are usually of the moment and important, but I am trying; have definitely gotten better at home.  We work hard to meet each of the six where they are, so if it means devour NFL to spend time and have something to talk about with one, I do it.  If it means, "Can you help unload the dishwasher?"  while I happen to be in the kitchen, just so we can chit chat, I do it.  Two hour texting sessions?  Do those too.  Arranging family afternoons then cooking my brains out so it is choreographed in such a way they can all just hang out- done!  Where am I lacking?  That #2- PLAY.  Fabulous at home with it, but am gonna have to ponder how to make it work at home.  My BFF in the picture above doesn't know it but she is a master of all in her personal life, and I am pretty sure she is at work as well.  

What is The FISH! Philosophy?

The FISH! Philosophy includes four simple, interconnected practices:

Be There: When people need you, they need all of you. Setting aside distractions and judgments to be fully present is a sign of respect. It improves communication and strengthens relationships.

Play: You can be serious about your work without taking yourself so seriously. Play is a mindset more than a specific activity. It allows you to throw yourself with enthusiasm and creativity into whatever you are doing, in a way that is natural, not forced. "Playing” with ideas helps you find solutions to everyday challenges.

Make Their Day: Simple gestures of thoughtfulness, thanks and recognition make people feel appreciated and valued. When you make someone else feel good, you feel good too.

Choose Your Attitude: To actually choose how you respond to life, not just react, you must be intentional. When you get up, decide who you want to "be" today. Moment-to-moment awareness is key. Ask yourself throughout the day, "What is my attitude right now? Is it helping the people who depend on me? Is it helping me to be most effective?"

Through The FISH! Philosophy, we build stronger relationships with the team members we work with, the customers we serve, the students we teach and the people we love.

http://www.charthouse.com/content.aspx?nodeid=22610

I hope at the end of 2014 that I can say life is simplified, for many reasons, from clutter to navigating college to sending  my baby off on her own to cancer being that much closer to gone...peace xoxo.

Day 10- "Persist"

I keep finding  myself back to my kids, but I cannot help it!  Neither of my children grew up playing sports...they grew up playing.  On the playground. In the dirt. In the creek.  At grandma's.  Dressing up in the basement.  Building blanket forts.  Meanwhile, most of their counterparts were in competitive sports from very young ages.  Fast forward to their freshman years; one decided to try out for JV Cheer, having never cheered a day in her life; the other went out for the freshman football team, having never played tackle football in his life, or been tackled for that matter.  I immediately thought, "Oh no, they are going to be disappointed, so many kids have so much more experience."  You know what?  I was so wrong.  She just had her senior cheer banquet last night, after four years of having fun, making friends, having something to look forward to and keep herself busy.  She will never be the flyer or the highest jumper or best tumbler, but she is constantly recognized for her spirit and kindness.  He stuck through a season where he had about 4 minutes total play time; while frustrated, he stuck with it and was in the weight room the day after the season ended, focused on growing stronger for next year; his attitude and sincerity blows away most kids his age.  These two showed persistence to a level that makes me so proud to be their mother and so happy that I didn't push them young and instead let them decide when they got older.  Don't be afraid to go against the crowd who spend Saturdays and Sundays at sports starting by age 4 or 5...I promise you your kids will find their fun, find their passion, and be successful, and they will learn to do it on their terms and will see the power of their persistence in controlling their destiny.

Day 9- "Guilty Pleasures"

Time is my guilty pleasure- I can spend hours with any and/or all of them, I get to sleep next to him 40+ hrs/wk, the kids give us time as a family, I get a lot of date night time, I can spend solo time reading or doing whatever, I was raised by parents who gave me their time, time has helped heal wounds & helped us build a family...it makes me wonder if time is the guilty pleasure or if freedom to choose how I spend it is? Peace xoxo.

Day 8- "Silent"

I think every mother knows that if you had known that it was the last time you would experience such a sweet silence you would have made it last longer.  I don't think I would have wanted to know, but there are days I would just love to make them small and and hold them so close again.  They are my heart and soul.

Day 7- "Life's Work..."

I was one of the few who yesterday advocated for going to school in cold temps as long as we had heat, because our kids were better off there since they would get two meals, and be safe and warm.  Well...we went.  And they got two meals, one served rapidly.  Why?  Because we were one of four schools in the county with no heat.  I can live with that error, even if they knew before our start time.  What is not ok is that our kids were there until 12:15 and we weren't told until 11:45 that is when it would happen.  IT. WAS. COLD.  Our students and teachers persevered and smiled and kept the best attitudes they could.  I watched a teacher walking a class down the hall ask if we had a coat that would fit one of her students, and that student had a coat before she got to her destination.  I question why it took that many hours- that wasn't fair to students or teachers, and falls on central office.  The kids were safe, and we did our best...not quite as planned but people in the building were part of the solution, not part of the problem. Behind the scenes people scurried to move materials and alter lessons so that students could keep going; everyone engaged in "other duties as assigned.  People kept a sense of humor.   As a teacher, this is our life's work...we do it all for our kids, on good days and hard days, planned and unplanned, whatever it takes.  

I have my other life's work though...my family.  Today, cold temps below zero or not, was a chemo day for my stepson.  Had there been no school that is where I would have gone.  His life literally depended on him going out in this weather, and we are grateful he has a hospital that is so phenomenal for his treatment.  

Then, there is my son- he came down in purple today, rare as a Redskins fan, a lone Ravens jersey I got on clearance a while back, and explained to me that his friend had asked them to wear purple today because his cousin had died, and it was in her honor.  I shortly found out that she was an Urbana student with a brother at UHS.  You can read more about her here:  http://www.keeneybasford.com/sitemaker/sites/KEENEY1/obit.cgi?page=services&user_id=1209643.


I realize more than ever how lucky we were today that our biggest problem was no heat and limited electricity- every one of our students made it home safely, and Liz's family would give anything for her to come home tonight.  My stepson got treatment he needed, and Liz's family would give anything to have had that opportunity to find something to save her life.  My life's work is far from over, and changing every day.  I am just so very proud to be a part of the team I am part of at work, and a part of this family we have grown.  We can't be 100% all of the time, but we can give 100% to what we are working with.  The compassion I saw today all around is humbling to say the least.

“You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.” - Winnie the Pooh

Frost- Day 6

Timely topic in the mid-Atlantic: FROST.  Tomorrow they are calling for wind chill 15-25 degrees below zero; in my 45 years here that has never happened that I remember.  All of a sudden regular old 34 degree frosty mornings don't look so bad anymore!  To go to school or not?  Some systems have cancelled, some are saying they are open regardless, others are holding TBD in the morning.  Schools in the area have already closed for 2" of snow this year, melted by 10:30 a.m. and everyone out holiday shopping by 11. Twice that a 2-hour delay would have sufficed. Now people are up in arms that we are going in negative weather.  It is January 6 and we will have used all of our "weather emergency" days by tomorrow...and you know what I want to say to these people?  Be grateful you have a good educational system with teachers who will be there ready to greet your children.  Be grateful if you are on social media because it probably means you can read, write, and that you have electricity and money for a device...which probably means you also have a home.  Most likely you are writing this as you prepare or eat dinner of your choice, and if you do get a freebie day off tomorrow you will be snuggled warm in your pjs watching tv, reading, or doing whatever it is you like to do. Many will probably even be out and about.  You won't be lined up for food somewhere, or hoping there is a room at the shelter and being told no.  Yes, it will suck to go out in that weather, but I bet everyone complaining has their choice of warm clothing and the option to drive kids to school so they don't have to walk or wait at the bus stop; many probably have the option to just take the day off and keep the kids home.  So, at the risk of sounding preachy, because I know I am being so, take a moment to think about what you have, because I work in a school that is 72% FARMS and I can't say I believe those kids aren't better off in school where there is heat, breakfast, lunch, and teachers who care (& please don't make negative comments about their situation, they didn't put themselves there). Their parents don't have to worry about feeding them with food they don't have or figuring out who will stay with them, and I can tell you often that answer is no one, it is "lock the door until I get home."  I know they don't all have coats, gloves and hats, and if there is one reason I don't want there to be school that is why, because they will have to wait for the bus.   Be grateful if you have a car to scrape frost off of, and a working defroster to help you; you don't have to wait at a bus stop to get to a minimal wage job because your family depends on you. I promise you that a day will come that you will wish your biggest problem was horrific wind chill.  I love a day off no less than everyone else, but sometimes you just need to dress warm, suck it up, and smile sunshine to all those around you.  Wishing you peace, love and somewhere warm to spend the day tomorrow!

Photo from bing images.

Take Flight!

Diagnosis heard

Leukemia was a shock

Need a new flight plan

We are a blended family who took flight in June of 2009.  To say that our six shared children integrated to become a family far more easily than we ever thought could happen is an understatement.  We took our time, and choreographed situations so they could get to know each other on their terms with shared experiences.  In January of 2013 we were thrown when we found out the second oldest, his son and a college freshman, had leukemia.  The other 5 kids selflessly made the accommodations needed to allow his father to be with him as much as possible, and to do what we had to in order to include their "brother from another mother" and meet his needs.  For better or worse, being with "him" has been the best flight ever, with some turbulence, and yes it came with baggage, I just had the power to choose what I took at baggage claim, and I can say that I got all of the gifts he brought that day and let the rest sit on that carousel.

Time and New Habits

I will catch up here on days three and four together, first up, "time."  Here is where I will mention "him."  Time with him is my serenity; he makes me laugh, he irritates me, he talks with me, but most of all the time spent with him I find myself full of contentment.  He spends hours with me in "the green chair," watching tv/movies, reading, laughing.  I used to think content sounded like settling, like good enough.  I know now that true contentment is something so deep down and that few are probably lucky enough to find, it is the gift of being in the moment in the very place that I am.  Satisfied.  Not needing more.  Planning for the future, but not at the expense of that day.  Having the privilege of falling asleep with him every single night, a precious time of day I look forward to every night. Time is what you make of it, and that can be a powerful tool when you exercise it.  Time is where you can find your serenity (note picture below, you too can budget and plan so you have time to lay here and watch the sun set with your serenity).

It does lead into day four's "new habits" theme.  My daughter working through the application to colleges process is forcing me to establish new habits, of saving, of learning the ins and outs of colleges, of looking ahead at my financial future.  I've been successful the past years at moving money into an account for college, but I recently realized that, "I've been teaching twenty years!" also means "I've been teaching twenty years and can retire in ten, at which point all kids will be out of high school, and we can look at options to move and try something new!" Looking at colleges has opened my mind to new geographical areas.  I've been grounded here, no lie- I live 25 mins. from my sister and parents, 45 from my brother, lived at home in college and haven't ever made a bold move like moving to a new city hundreds of miles away.  But we are talking about it...a new habit that these realizations has brought us to- talking about a future beyond being parents, making lunches, getting to sports games...starting that map that is going to keep us in our serenity, together...and discussing what we habits we have to include to get us there (Note: Online shopping, because I despise stores, is greatly impeding this habit, so another new habit is going to be limit that, maybe every purchase I DON"T make but want the money goes into a savings sub-account for that move!).

Something New...

Write ALM...Day 2...let's revert back to January 2 for this one..."something new"...starting with a quote from Frank Lloyd Wright: "Think simple" as my old master used to say -meaning reduce the whole of its parts into the simplest terms, getting back to first principles." This is the way I have been thinking lately, and my quest this year is to set myself up for something new.  I have made some steps to hopefully lead to a career shift,  not a full change, just a shift, but one that will take me back to the simple things in life I hold dearest to my heart and beliefs, and that will hopefully allow me to go back to why I started teaching in the first place.  I've got to get back to passion in my work, and while it isn't gone, it isn't 100%, and that is just not good enough.  I literally broke it down into my mind as to what my passions are, and from there began taking positive steps to turn that into my career.  Scary? Absolutely.  Excited?  Beyond words.  Biggest challenge?  Finding someone who believes in me the way I believe in myself, as shifting within the politics of school systems isn't easy.  If it all comes together then by August my something new will be challenging me to use my passions every single day, and I cannot ask for more than that.

photo from Google Images

In the beginning...

Write ALM January Prompt a Day

I saw this by clicking through what was probably one too many Pinterest links this morning, and have been wanting to do one of these with photos or writing or thoughts or whatever; I liked her list so here I go!  Not sure if I am doing it write, but hey, it is a new beginning for me so go with it, guide me, and laugh with me.

Today is January 5, and not one to slack I am going to backtrack a few days...I hope if you have thoughts you will comment and share, this is my first bold attempt at something so public...thus, I am making this my "in the beginning" post.  In the beginning I used myspace to connect to people after my recent divorce, and honestly, it gave me something to do with my time.  Admittedly it wasn't the healthiest use of my time on many levels, because I quickly saw that some "friends" used it as a weapon.  I gradually shifted to Facebook, mostly because that is what everyone else was doing; what was interesting is my parents started realizing that if they joined Facebook they would be more in touch with our everyday lives- mine, my daughter's, even their relatives in NC.  While many have gone to Twitter and Vine I have stayed with Facebook because I feel like I have coffee or happy hour every day with my cousins, aunts, siblings, and close friends.  My co-workers and I also get to know each other on a more personal level and it has helped relationships at work.  Pinterest came along and it was the younger teachers who got me on, and now I love it; in the beginning it was finding ideas here and there, now it is a method of organization for me; it is a way to plan parties and collect ideas, to remember which books I have read and liked.  Then.came.blogging.  I made a few posts, you will see them here, but I was afraid people might think it was arrogant, as in why would she think we care what she did/thinks?  I kept it pretty private (that is what blogs are for, right?), the antithesis of what they were made for.  Bringing it all together is my daughter, now a senior; as I prepare for her graduation I am drawn to pictures of her whole life, from the beginning, and am awestruck in the parallels between that beginning and the new beginning she is about to have as she goes off to college, and the new beginning I am going to have without seeing her messy, adorable, hilarious self every day.  I'm afraid, and I was afraid when she was born (what mother didn't at one point think, "Oh my goodness, they are letting me take her home with me!"), filled with some trepidation as to what I was going to do with her.  At 45 I am learning that my life is full of new beginnings all of the time, and I am blessed for each and every one, because I have grown stronger, healthier and more secure.  So, read or don't read; comment or don't comment;just promise me you will reflect on something that you maybe didn't see as a big deal in the beginning, but you now reflect and realize that actually it was, and look at how you have grown since then.  Peace xoxo.
http://writealm.com/january-prompt-a-day/