"Yield"- Day 30

"Children that have been petted and waited upon, always expect it; and if their expectations are not met, they are disappointed and discouraged. This same disposition will be seen through their whole lives, and they will be helpless, leaning upon others for aid, expecting others to favor them and yield to them."

'

Ellen G. White

"Exploding"- Day 29

If only every woman was loved the way George Boldt loved his wife...

Here and Now- Day 28

Lying in bed, screen door open lightly raining, looking straight out at the St. Lawrence River (same view as last night, but drizzly without that rainbow), feels like fall...just a little bit more of heaven before we cross back over into the chaos that is the world as we know it back home...the longer life goes on that way around us the more I question why we stay and begin truly planning for the day we can go.

Restive- Day 27

Literally chillin doing nothing after we came inside due to heavy rain, up at the Calico Cat B&B near Brockville, ON; have a little room right on the St. Lawrence River. Phenomenal as it was, I just looked up at the right time and JUMPED- of course my phone and camera were in the car, thankfully he threw his ipad my way (turned on and cued because I don't know how to use it) and I was literally jumping up and down, snapping as fast as I could...Restive to say the least for a hot 30 seconds. Now I just need pizza! So blessed xoxoxoxo.

"Jeweled" Day 26

Irony here, I am sure when King Edward was honored with a street in his name in Ottawa it wasn't like this...because I am sure no king lives in these conditions...

while meanwhile Parliament was beautiful and detailed beyond words...

"Chiffon"- Day 25

Use lemon or lime, I don't think anyone in my house would appreciate it and I would eat it all...continuing to keep my curves wavy...

Chiffon Dessert Recipe

"Eccentric"- Day 24

ec·cen·tric                             ikˈsentrik/

adjective

1. 1.

   (of a person or their behavior) unconventional and slightly strange.

   "my favorite aunt is very eccentric"

   synonyms:

   unconventional, uncommon, abnormal, irregular, aberrant, anomalous, odd, queer, strange, peculiar, weird, bizarre, outlandish, freakish, extraordinary
2. 2.

   technical

   (of a thing) not placed centrally or not having its axis or other part placed centrally.

Not the first word I would use to describe him, but when you read the definition...just saying I'm basic it off of objective analysis...extraordinary being why I love him so.

"Intuitive"- Day 23

Remember I said 365...not necessarily consecutive days, but close.  Blame vacation...

So, Harriet Tubman, was she just intuitive, brilliant, or perhaps the most intuitive and brilliant uneducated human to have ever lived? So humbled to have been to her grave, and so excited to keep learning more. 

Day 22- "Desire"

6 nights alone with him starting tomorrow...desire...

"Lament" Day 21

Lisa
And I grew up together but
Mostly she was my sister's best friend until the
End, when life ended so tragically and suddenly that 
Night, where none of us can begin to imagine the 
Terror her family has lived with forever.

xoxoxoxo

"Butterfly Wings"- Day 20

I am stealing from dad today...I must have gotten my love for photography from him. He has captured so many beautiful photos of wildlife and flowers in his yard, in which he has created an environment to attract butterflies. These are two of his photos I love...

The first one he had labeled with, "Eastern Tiger Swallowtail visits Blazing Star native perennial."

"Collected"- Day 19

After collecting all of the photos and research for my one credit course toward re-certification I finally was able to complete the paper-so happy! So grateful to "him" for working some of the sites into our motorcycle rides...he isn't known for romance and giving attention, but things like that show he cares and is thoughtful and appreciates my effort toward this work. The 19 pages were submitted this morning! 

Friday's ride out to the St. Mary's Covered Bridge in PA completed my four visits to places on the historical registry. I would take the course again if I could, as I still need 5 more credits and that was more fun than the 2 credit course I will be doing later this month.

"Taking Care"- Day 18

The stress of sending a child to college might kill me. I still see little evidence of her taking care of things without reminders, and I am afraid she won't prioritize on her own, realize the amount of effort that will have to go into studying- no blaming the bad teacher or bad test- but accepting it and figuring out if the teacher is bad then how will she learn the material, and if this is the type of test then how am I going to pass it. Love her so much and at this point I feel like she thinks I am the enemy. I think she wants to be gone so bad that she is going to go and I am not going to hear from her much and it literally breaks my heart. I've promised myself I will not bother her, which I pretty much do just by existing at this point (though she isn't bothered when I am spending hundreds on her dorm stuff). Knowing you won't be missed is just a sad feeling and something you have to accept, and that you have become pretty much an inconvenience, and a place to sleep and eat when convenient, even worse. Knowing no matter how you try to meet her where she is it doesn't last, when you have high expectations she thinks you are difficult, when you try to teach what responsibility is as an adult she is furious to be called irresponsible and blames something else and says you don't understand, gets angry and shuts down from you...responsibility at 18 and about to be on your own is far different from at 14, 16, whatever. I miss when I was allowed to help take care of her and she didn't think it means I think she cannot do it. That isn't the case; but, I know her and know that some coaching goes a long way to help her, if she would stop and let me.I don't tell her what to do unless she has had the opportunity to do it and did not on her own. Love her too much sometimes...

Day 17 "Soft"

There is a fine line between being soft and being so soft you are vulnerable and almost lost...

Day 16 "Unmasked"

Ugly is what we think people think when they see our
Naked faces in the 
Morning
Always working to cover what we see as imperfections,
Spending money on all
Kinds of products we don't need when we
Emotionally accept ourselves for who we are and focus instead on 
Doing good to others instead of our own vanity all of the time

"Kitchen Floor"- Day 15

Well let's see...mine was installed by me, and in parts you can tell; I have intent to fix some things/retouch some things, but something always leads me astray. Currently it is the names for the walls of my daughter and her friends for their dorms. I have projects going on for two of her best friends and their roommates, and her and her roommate. Of course that leads to them being on the table, on the floor, brushes at the sink...hopefully will finish them by Saturday and have it cleaned up...but have a list of "what next" already! Have promised myself nothing else "fun" until I finish the underside of the deck and the front rails (not my fault it keeps raining in the afternoons though!). Photos of projects to come when all are finished...

Day 14- "Accentuate"

ac·cen·tu·ate

akˈsenCHo͞oˌāt/

verb

1. make more noticeable or prominent.

I rarely hate on my ex but am about maxed out; recent events and behaviors have accentuated how out of touch he is with 18 year old girls. Trying to mediate is fruitless, then I am accused of "not supporting" when in reality he didn't hear the conversations- yes- multiple- to have any right to say what he has. Lack of financial contribution to so many things also has been a huge issue. All around he is making it really hard to care about his opinion anymore, and I have never been that kind of co-parent. It all just accentuates what led me the path of divorce, whether I handled that the best I could or not, and found the complete opposite, who, while far from perfect, accentuates what I knew I needed in a partner.

"Illusion"- Day 13

Love this picture I took at the beach, gives the illusion he is magical and floating the ball! Love him.

Day 12- "Discretion"

Something so many people lack, and that is so underrated...everyone feels they need to tell someone, or that they are entitled to know things about you, people have no idea how often I want to respond with, "tell me how this pertains to you?" I think we have raised a generation that feels everything is their business because all of their business gets put out there, and where there are so many single parents who are dating (as they should) but haven't drawn boundaries in their search for "the one." Your kids are not your friends, you are still their parent, and that is truly what they want. A little discretion goes a long way...and when it is time to put it out there then you do so collaboratively and thoughtfully. I will end here, because I could go on a rant here, just think about whether everyone needs to know before you speak, if it is your business before you ask, is it your story to tell before you repeat.

Day 11 - "Movement"

An expensive morning yesterday but the excitement for them was worth it; with two recent high school grads, a recent college grad, and a child with leukemia along we figured it was a good chance to bond and make memories. We get this crew for a week once a year, and this is only the second time. I wasn't able to get many photos because they went way out there, next time I will have to strategically plan for that! From what I hear there was a lot of movement, but no one was thrown & all came back safely.

"Sonnet" Day 10

Day 9- "Innovate"

One of the things I love about my family is the way they innovate and have fun together wherever we are.  We lucked into a volleyball net at this beach, so they have played for two days, "Team USA" and "Team Argentina"~ their post World Cup names.  I love it because I get to practice action photography (to a point, they aren't very good lol).

Ambition- Day 8

Vacation days are killing my creativity here...

"Rain Drenched," Day 7

Procrastinate, Day 6

There are two sides of me- one highly efficient, organized, full of lists and ready to go; it can come across as controlling when really the only intent is ever to be able to be so ready that we can do whatever we want and there is never chaos or rushing. Then there is the side of me that with certain things, like dusting, can sit there and look at it for days and figure it will be there tomorrow and do something else, even if that something else is nothing. I don't think of it as procrastinating, I think of it as prioritizing.

Day 5 July...Plot

exactly.

Ponder- Day 4

...I don't think I will ever get over the loss...& I've wondered & been asked why it's so overwhelming 25 years later & I don't know why. I carry the fear through my own child & at times feel sorry for her. I can't see her at what would have been 43 today. I still see 16 & feel it like it was yesterday. Peace & <3 & I hope you know no pain.

Day 3- Explore

packing and cooking

for a week with all six kids

may health be a friend 

Day 2- Confer

Time to confer with the girls to see what color coordinated photos they want to take with the family so that the boys can actively pack nothing to match, or, their best t-shirts and basketball shorts, that is the best they are going to get from them.  Good thing is that the girls don't mind anymore, the boys are who they are! And, convert it to black and white and you can hardly tell!

Prayer- Day 1- month 7

It's not something I really do, but whatever vibes I have or whatever they are go to my mom who is having a cyst biopsied- they anticipate it's benign; a friend getting a cancer treatment plan in place; a young woman I know that is leaving all of the end of senior year fun & leaving for the Navy, & that my stepson doesn't bail on our trip to stay home with his girlfriend (she's welcome to come), as dad can count on less than one hand how many vacations he's been allowed with him in 20 years. Things changed when he turned 18 & made decisions himself, again when cancer hit, & now again with a girlfriend in the picture.