"Bright"- Day 9

We lucked into the bright shiny Christmas tree in the lobby of our hotel, where I was able to get a few shots of two of our girls all dressed up and ready to head to the symphony!

Day 6- "Wish Upon a Star"

I never could have imagined or wished this family...& my wish is we make time for each other always, & carry each other through the hard times & celebrate the good times together.

                                      

"Hearth"- Day 15

We happened to make a coffee stop today and it was in this shopping center we had only been to once, about 2 1/2 years ago, and he said, "and we got that picture of all of us taken right there." They are my home no matter where they are. Sometimes the photos are bittersweet, as they are before certain problems/after certain problems and can be classified; this one was 

pre-leukemia, about six months before the diagnosis, and one can't help but wonder if it was there. xo

"To Love Is"- Day 5

...to learn to meet each child where they are at so that their needs are met but you don't go crazy, even when you feel like you might. To go to work to support them while feeling you should be home taking better care of housekeeping & errands. To find interest in topics that engage them in what they want to talk about, and having more than surface level interest, as they know. To accept that two hours can be better than a week sometimes. To find a way to say "yes" as often as possible, in a way that makes their lives easier, not spoiled. To feel satisfaction from serving a home cooked meal, not a fancy one, knowing all they see is you took care of them. It is being there, being present, being open, putting them first  every chance you can. To be a mom is to love. xxooxxoo

                                                     

"Encounter"- Day 27

Who would have believed that a chance encounter in grade school would have led to the eventual births of ten more people? Childhood friends (hard not to be when you have a class of maybe 30 the whole way through school), eventual "sweethearts" and now husband and wife of more than 51 years and 3 children and 7 grandchildren. Add in 4 step-grandchildren, which they have embraced in a way I never would have expected anyone to, part of our family because of my own encounter. Makes you wonder what exactly it is that makes these encounters different from others, and how you "just know"?

"Dreamlike"- Day 25

Did I mention that whoever dreamed of this 365 definitely wasn't a teacher? I am determined to get 365 in, but I never said in order every day.

Sometimes I can't believe this family is my life and it is more than I ever imagined for myself after what I went through during separation, divorce, and some rough years to follow. Building on what I said in the last post, I hope it isn't a dream. This family came together relatively seamlessly and we have so much left to do together, losing that would be the worst.

Dreamlike part 2 here is that our oldest son was with us the whole week, leukemia and all...that was a dream come true for this summer!

"Simplicity"- Day 6

Time with the family...it gets harder to get the older kids together, so scheduling some special nights is in order! It seems so simple to make time, but theory is not reality. xo

"Home"- Day 4

Having the kids all home for the day, the reason I got a day behind here...birthday brunch with lots of bacon and waffles! Officially all kids are teens and twenties!

Day 11 - "Movement"

An expensive morning yesterday but the excitement for them was worth it; with two recent high school grads, a recent college grad, and a child with leukemia along we figured it was a good chance to bond and make memories. We get this crew for a week once a year, and this is only the second time. I wasn't able to get many photos because they went way out there, next time I will have to strategically plan for that! From what I hear there was a lot of movement, but no one was thrown & all came back safely.

Day 9- "Innovate"

One of the things I love about my family is the way they innovate and have fun together wherever we are.  We lucked into a volleyball net at this beach, so they have played for two days, "Team USA" and "Team Argentina"~ their post World Cup names.  I love it because I get to practice action photography (to a point, they aren't very good lol).

Day 2- Confer

Time to confer with the girls to see what color coordinated photos they want to take with the family so that the boys can actively pack nothing to match, or, their best t-shirts and basketball shorts, that is the best they are going to get from them.  Good thing is that the girls don't mind anymore, the boys are who they are! And, convert it to black and white and you can hardly tell!

"Relations"- Day 15

I am keeping it simple with a "Happy Father's Day" to both my dad and to the stepfather of my children, and a "Happy 50th " to my guy too!  Love you both!

Day 12- "Tight Knit"

“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

I don't know who this person is but I saw this and couldn't say it better.  To see our party come together with my family from here and NC, her father's family from here, her stepmother's family from Baltimore, and "his" parents from PA, including step siblings, step aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents/ and a great grandparent...it was incredible to see the support these kids have.  We are blessed their step families welcomed them like they were their own, and I am fortunate my parents have done the same for my step children.  We are so far from broken...

"Soul Full" ~ Day 8

Hope to add pictures later, but without a doubt a day my soul is full...her graduation/18th birthday party.  I have never had to prepare for so many people and I hope I have enough and did it right.  Doing it at a venue other than home when you are doing it yourself is a bit stressful to say the least.  The great part is family is her from North Carolina, and she has family from both sides and both step parents, which is a first and it is nice to see that after all of the turmoil of ten years ago she is where she is and surrounded by these people.  Most of her friends will be there, and while one special one cannot be I am hopeful she will not have time to think about it.  I love my girl like crazy and want it to be perfect for her.  I am also glad my son is simpler and I might be able to get away with a come, have some cookies and a drink, then leave kind of graduation party.  My car looks like it is puking party right now!  I am grateful for the help I will have to set up...I don't know why I fret as I do given I have made a to scale map of the entire venue with set up labeled, diagrams for the food, etc. etc. etc...it is going to be a long but beautiful day (thank goodness it isn't raining since it is in a park!)!

"Full of Blessings"- Day 28

Even though it was pretty much a sucky week for many reasons, starting with jaundice that sent his son to the hospital two nights, ending with doing my best to reign in 18 and losing control in the midst of a breakup along with fixing some damage, I really am blessed.  He was gone much of the week, between the hospital and a soccer tournament about 5 hours away, but came home yesterday afternoon.  They say it is good for couples to have time to miss each other, and this time maybe it was true.  I was able to really focus where I needed to and so was he, & I know he was happy to see me (dinner cooking didn't hurt lol).  I spent most of my birthday alone, but I am blessed my daughter is still here, as are all of our children. When we had to talk about tough stuff she talked- no yelling, no crying, just talked. We have one child literally fighting for his life but he is getting the best care possible (I know I can't begin to fathom the fear his father feels every single day).  As much as I don't want to work lately because I have so much to do around the house and for graduation and beach week prep, I am blessed to have a job that I do like most days, a car to get there, and an incredible son to drop off at school on the way.  It has definitely been a challenging week where I have had to remind myself of these things.  Sometimes I want them all to just be grown up and gone, other days I just want them all here in the safety and comfort of our home (that is where I am at right now) and I can't have it, so I do the best I can...I think I just feel like I am living a real life whack-a-mole right now!

Day 24- "On the Road"

This past weekend was supposed to be for two, but sometimes that changes because one of the kids needs us to come through for them because someone else isn't.  This weekend led us to a soccer tournament that luckily wasn't far from Kent Island, and that was the closest place to stay.  One of our favorite places to go for an overnight, especially off season.  We got to take one of the kids to one of our favorite restaurants (no, we don't eat out somewhere that expensive regularly...she was beyond thrilled to go to it)- great food and ambiance right on the water.  Dad sprung for the suite on the water that in-season we wouldn't be able to afford, and it gave some privacy to her and her friend who stayed over and then to us early morning (ok, they were not so amused when we returned via the balcony after hopping the balcony rails, but we laughed a lot).  We have friends on the island so we got to go hear some live music for the first set (love it because they go on at 8:30 and we can actually stay awake) with them.  All in all turned out to be a great 24 hours, and a great example of how we tell the kids that in some ways we are equal with all of them, ie. amount spent at Christmas, but at other times we give certain ones what they need at that time (in this case, some nurturing, not being the kid with no parent there, just support), and it differs for all.  The soccer tournament?  Two wins, one loss, freezing cold, but I got to take pictures; I have been note taking settings so I can try some shots out- worked on stop action this time (one I first started trying manually when my son had the photography project).  She loves to see herself that way, esp. when I captured one of her goals!  A few favorites (was really cloudy the first day so those pictures aren't the best)...

 

"Plans and Projects"- Day 21

It is a real treat for the 8 of us to be together; it happens once in a while for dinner or an afternoon.  It has happened for vacation once, as one child wasn't permitted to spend the night with us until he was 18 and could make his own choices.  That trip was super special for all and gave kids that are siblings and step siblings a chance to bond, and gave a father a chance to have all of his kids for a week.  Three other trips we have had 7 of us, once due to the "under 18" rule, once someone had other plans and once, well...leukemia. This year we had the all clear to go to FL for a week from the doctors at Johns Hopkins.  Plans included being within an hour of a good medical facility and referrals to doctors with all necessary information in hand should we need it.  However, we didn't plan to need it, things were looking up.  Four weeks ago our leukemia child ended up in the ER- and back in for an overnight for a transfusion.  A week later, same thing.  We had gotten an unofficial diagnosis about why, but then his marrow started producing it's own red cells again, slowly but surely.  This scare made our decision to stay semi local- DE beaches, so we are several hours from his hospital, if for some reason he can't come the whole time he can get there for part of the time, and he and dad are especially more relaxed about it.  Now, it can take hours to search for a place with 7 beds (they don't want to share, understandable), a pool table (need something to do for when he especially can't be outside), near the beach, and with a pool.  After much searching we (ok, I) found it...the other kids, while they would love to go to FL, are all being very gracious and say all they care is we all get to go somewhere together (though when I asked if that meant we could do Niagara Falls area I got 6 no, we want the beach...I tried).  It isn't easy to get kids that are 12-15-17-18-20 & 23 (that will be ages this summer) all in one place at one time, so this is exciting.  Hoping for no medical problems to hold him back, and that he and dad in particular can have a relaxing week and time together; I cannot make up for the time they've lost due to his mother's restrictions, but I can try to provide opportunities for memories and fun times.  Maybe he will even just get to be 20 for a week if he is feeling good.  

One good thing is they save us money by being happy to eat in (that way they don't have to come in and get all freshened up by any particular time), and I am  happy to cook.  Makes my Pinterest browsing time more credible ;).  Then, I make a One Note section for the trip, with a page for all information on the home/payments (I use VRBO all of the time and have had a lot of luck), one for meal plans for dinner (what will go with what- plan for 6 and pizza on the 7th), pre-thinking the quick and easy for day one when we get down a little later, one for recipes (copy and paste from Pinterest board), and one for grocery list and bring from home list (I may have issues, because I have admittedly made baggies of herbs/spices etc, labeled, and brought on planes to avoid buying whole containers of things I need 2t. of).  It works for us.  They all basically get to have a great week and I am ok with basically setting up breakfast and lunch and cooking, and I feel they are grateful.  They help when asked (we pondered since there are six of them putting them each in charge of a night of meal planning and prep, just tell us what to buy or we will give you the money to buy, but something between the potential control freak in me and the fear I will eat Kraft Mac & Cheese at least twice & steak & expensive food another two had us thinking maybe not).  

We try not to be overly excited at this point because so much can happen before we go (July), and we know leukemia may get in the way, but I choose to plan looking forward and not talk about it much to dad, who doesn't want to get too excited until we are there and it is happening, which is understandable.  Chemo is expected to go up soon and that always kicks his arse for a bit...but that is life with a child with leukemia.  It is a fine balance to plan for life with that and life with six shared kids...but I got the nicest e-mail from him thanking me for making the plans so he could go and to meet his needs, which is the type of thing that makes all the work worthwhile.

As co-parents we definitely have wondered, but not out loud besides once, because it can get upsetting, if the ALL was there during this trip, and if so, how bad?  The official first symptoms came four months later, and the diagnosis 6 months later.  Keep your fingers crossed for this summer :).

Day 6- "Ordinary Blessings"

just getting to have dinner with all of them...it takes a lot of effort all around to get together for an hour, there is about a two mile spread east to west...but they do it...sometimes so complicated to pull off but so easy to enjoy

Day 3- Month 3- "Return"

"Return"

driving them around

playing games, family meals

teens who talk with you

So many people don't seem to realize that it is pretty simple, make the effort and you will see the return.  Maybe not every day, but they will be more open and realize you are there, even when you don't want to hear it but need to hear it.  You as the adult hold the power to set the limits and set the expectations and limits, to be accountable to that they know they can come to you.  A little bit of follow through goes a long way with teenagers.  Yes, they can be egocentric and short sighted, but be their coach vs. their ruler or friend and they will amaze you with what they can do.  Learn to offer things so that they make the decision with some coaching, but lay it out as "if/then"- they haven't learned to weigh positive and negative consequences to the degree they think they have. Learn to meet them where they are- they aren't the same child they were five years ago, a year ago, possibly even last month. Invest in them all along and you will get a positive return.

Great NIH Information on the Teenage Brain

Last Day of Month 2- "Leap..."- Day 28

It makes me think of the leap of faith when I met him.  No one had made me feel that way in ages, if ever.  We decided about 3 1/2 months in that he would move in the next month; the place he was living was being sold and it was that or a year lease somewhere...and I guess we both knew we didn't want to wait a year.  There was a learning curve...sometimes there still is...but I cannot imagine life without him next to me and without these kids as a family.  Sometimes you just have to make a decision, hold onto each other tightly, and take that leap...