From "Africa hot" summer days to mid-winter mini-blizzards I am rooted here in Maryland. I'm struggling more than I thought I would be with sending my firstborn off to college, I love just knowing she is home. We are talking about "our" ten year plan and where we want to be, knowing that by then they will all be (at least just about) out of college...we are pretty sure it isn't here. Thinking about how to get "there" is tough, an overwhelming amount of planning when planning for college too. But, waiting til next year to plan won't be an easier, because we will be planning for college for another. Then another, then another...and by then all of a sudden it is a four year plan. I know kids love to have their childhood home to go back to with their own children- I have grown up with that. He bought his childhood home and lived in it for a number of years. My kids are my very soul. Guilt. Sister nearby, brother nearby, parents nearby...did I say guilt? I just don't see myself here in ten years. Some days I find myself motivated to purge when I think about where I want to be and what I won't need there. My children will always have a home, because home is where we are together. I can't plan around that, because what if they go away and decide not to settle back "home"? I find myself caught between wiggling my own roots loose as I ponder a significant career change and sending children away, thinking about where their roots will lie, and honestly...hoping maybe they want to come too, just within an hour or so?
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